Order and chaos

What do make of life inside (and beyond) the pale

I don’t think about order as a concept much in my day to day existence. But I crave it constantly. Not because of the idea exactly but because of the feelings that come with. I desire these feelings so much, I often feel entitled to experiencing an ordered life. It’s as though I believe that a normal life ought to feel ordered. Relaxed. Chill.

When things are in order, life feels predictable and under control. I am at ease. When things are chaotic, I feel out-of-order. Like a vending machine that takes my money but won’t let me get the candy bar I want. I feel tension of being taken from. Like a victim. I want to kick the machine. As the tension grows, my stress grows with it. In these moments, life feels broken down. Unpredictable. Out-of-control.

The sentiment I’m describing shows up in response to simple questions like, ‘How’s your day?’ If my response is positive, it’s usually because my circumstances are going my way. They’re ordered.

When things aren’t going my way though — like if I’m having a tough time at work or I get in an argument with someone that bugs me or if there’s news from the doctor and I’m worried — these are the days I’m prone to say my day isn’t going so well. Sunny and warm... good. Stormy and cold... bad. The comfort of ease determines my response. The discomfort of hard does the same.

Beyond the pale

Medieval mapmaker’s had a habit of designating areas at the edge of the known world. By placing a divide between the civilized world of order and the barbaric world of chaos they helped viewers understand what was known and unknown. They’d even go so far as to write phrases on the map like ‘here be dragons,’ making it clear that unknown areas beyond weren’t just mysterious. They were unsafe.

Authorities in old English villages would do something similar. They would post stakes, called pales, at the edge of town marking what was governed, known, and civilized from what was not. As long as you stayed within the boundary lines you had access to the rule of law. But if you were to wander beyond the pale, you were taking things into your own hands, foolishly giving up any protections you might have.

The point is to draw a line between order, eliciting a feeling of safety, and chaos, triggering fear of the unknown. Implicit to this social contract, of course, is that if you and I are privileged to live on the inside, we are expected to live by the rules of the village. That’s why the phrase ‘beyond the pale’ has come to describe behavior that is taboo or unacceptable.

But there is a dirty little secret about life beyond (and inside) the pale. It’s off the record, even though everyone knows it to be true the moment you hear it. Those who know the secret rarely speak of it, either. It’s as though people are afraid of its truth.

Here it is: There is no pale. The boundaries are constructed. They’re made up.

To live as a human is to live in a precipitous world where nature is neither kind nor malicious. It may be true that the further out you go, the more uncomfortable you will become. There is no sign post or moral code that can protect us from what is harsh and unfamiliar.

But it also turns out that danger and discomfort happen inside the village as well as in the wild. It doesn’t matter how much gloss we slosh on our lives. How much money, status, leisure or beauty appear to be ours. We’re still left with the truth that life is hard, our time is fleeting, and death is on its way. No one gets out alive regardless of where you sit on the map.

But that’s not all. It turns out that life out there offers a lot more than dragons. Life beyond the pale may appear scary in its mystery but the crazy ones who wander out often come back with something else to say.

So what are we to do with all this? Not just with the curious question of what might be out there? But also, what do we make of the trouble that finds it’s way inside the pale? What if life beyond the pale offered the very antidote we’re desperate for… to the other kind of trouble we find inside our ordered lives?